The scene: A large group of people seated in front of you look bored, lethargic even. They’re staring into space and seem to look right through you when you dare to meet their gaze. The ones who are up and walking around are roaming slowly and without any discernible purpose or destination. There’s a low humming noise that’s replaced the sound of what used to be a vibrant crowd of energetic humans. Those humans are now zombies.
Nope, we’re not on the set of The Walking Dead or World War Z. We’re at your company. The zombie herd we’re observing is your workforce. What’s happened to them? Are they sick? In a way, yes.
The good news: This particular strain is fairly easy to diagnose, and there are several known courses of treatment that can be administered successfully.
The bad news: It’s highly contagious, it’s hard to determine the exact point of origin, and good luck identifying patient zero.
What you’re seeing is a very bad case of employee burnout. There has been a zombie apocalypse that has affected and/or infected employees and management alike. Everywhere you look, zombie employees are going through the motions, perhaps in what they feel are dead-end jobs. More likely, this is how they’ve responded to long-term exposure to extreme stress brought on by the recession and related layoffs.
On the other hand, managers are faced with having to take control of a difficult situation. If you thought herding cats was a challenge, just wait until you try dealing with a zombie herd. In this scenario, there are a few types of zombies you’ll have to contend with: the fallen and the walkers.
The Fallen
This recession has created many casualties. Those who have been laid off endured a painful experience – an abrupt separation from the corporate body they’ve been a part of for so long. Their life support systems have been disabled, and there are physical and emotional consequences beyond the obvious financial devastation (even with severance, itself a gory-sounding word). Some zombie employees had advance warning about their fates and had to create instruction manuals and other transition materials to enable surviving comrades to absorb their jobs. Others were completely taken by surprise and have had to cope with an ambush and its aftermath. Either way, they experienced a horrible separation, and as a manager you’ll have to bear this in mind.
To make matters worse, there are herds of these zombies all over, not just in your own company. You will need to guard against cross-contamination and protect your existing workforce from contagion, since all of these zombie ex-employees are now transforming into zombie candidates. Many of them will be knocking on your doors, trying to get into your company any way they can. They’ll be coming for you (Barbara) to contaminate your surviving employees with their defeated spirit.
Unless these zombie candidates can regenerate and bring some passion with them to their job interviews, they are facing yet another kind of doom: zombie unemployment. This is another disturbing post-apocalyptic transformation that, if left unchecked, can get much worse 28 weeks later. At that point, these zombie candidates become discouraged workers who simply give up trying to find work. No one wants that outcome; it’s bad for the whole economy, not just the affected individuals and their families.
The Walkers
In addition, we must also consider the fates of the ones who are left behind – the walkers. These are the zombies that must pick up the pieces and function effectively despite a reduced headcount and slashed budgets. These zombies often manifest a severe state of depression as they’re forced to carry on amid the wreckage and the chaos around them, despite seeing reminders of their fallen comrades everywhere they look and in each task they undertake.
Many of these employees have endured so much stress that the only way they’ve been able to respond is to shut themselves off and transform into zombies. And it will probably get worse before it gets better. There will likely be insurrection, a crisis of faith, and a loss of loyalty, all of which are balanced by the survival instinct. These zombies will have to put what’s left of their humanity aside and keep working in order to survive and provide for their families.
The Manager’s Guide to Surviving the Zombie Employee Apocalypse
So, as a manager, what should you do? How do you fight an army of darkness? How do you go about rebuilding, even while the crisis is still continuing? Fortunately, there are numerous zombie apocalypse survival guides available. Here are some tips to help you emerge relatively unscathed.
1. Respond with excellent organization and strong leadership.
The first rule of the Zombie Survival Guide: Organize before they rise! Your CEO needs to demonstrate leadership and confidence in the face of this crisis.
Next, have your HR department on full alert. Watch for localized outbreaks and infighting. Avoid the formation of splinter groups that might broadcast competing messages and discourage your workforce by infecting them with negative energy. As resources and survival gear continue to become scarce, there will be a growing tendency to fight for whatever is left. Needless to say, this situation can become extremely volatile if you’re not vigilant.
2. Maintain effective communications.
Your management team should start dispensing emergency immunizations in the form of encouragement and support immediately. Your zombie employees are damaged and in need of inspiration and compassion.
Most importantly, try to be as honest as possible. Don’t make any promises you can’t keep. However, if you can share any information about job security going forward, your people will be grateful for any peace of mind you can offer (note: that’s peace of mind, not piece of mind, as in braaaains).
3. Don’t take your employees for granted.
As mentioned in another post, employees need to feel valued, but an alarmingly high number don’t. A Gallup poll found that 71% of American workers are “not engaged” or “actively disengaged” in their work and are thereby emotionally separated from their workplaces and less likely to be productive.
Your zombie employees are working harder for you than they ever have, but don’t assume it’s out of any sense of loyalty. They are zombies in survival mode, working hard to avoid being the next ones to fall. And although brutal cost-cutting will be expected, this is not the time to eliminate basic perks. While zombies don’t really need health insurance or retirement packages anymore, there are probably some perks you should preserve, just to keep them at bay.
4. Protect your survivors.
We’ve already discussed the fallen and the walkers, but you mustn’t forget about those employees who are still as of yet uninfected. There may only be a small group left, particularly after an apocalyptic recession like this one, but it is critical to protect any employees who have survived intact.
Plenty of guides already exist on this topic, but here is a quick run-down of things to do in a hurry. Take stock of your supply situation and ensure safe access to water, first aid kits, food, and other emergency provisions. Check to ensure all entrances and exits are secure. Use the buddy system – there’s safety in numbers, and no one should venture out into the hallways alone.
Finally, rejoice at being alive, even in these dire circumstances. If there’s a shared sense of purpose, such as to preserve the company and the existing jobs, employees will be motivated to keep going – and ideally, everyone will live to fight another day.
For further information, see the CDC’s handy zombie apocalypse survival guide.
Image credit: TQS Magazine
A version of my post was originally published on the UpMo blog.
